outfit: kool-aid

Muji cotton top | Everlane relaxed chinos | Rachel Comey adams sandal

Wardrobe update–I sent back the shoes I was wearing in the last outfit post, and just received this new pair by Rachel Comey.

I really like them, but don’t feel 100% certain about keeping them yet. RC has a 14 day return policy, so that buys me a little bit of time to decide. Ya’ll know I love me a good flat strappy sandal, and good ones are strangely hard to find. I was intrigued by these chunky industrial rubber soles that don’t look overly bulky, like those gothic Doc Marten sandals that only seem to work for tall people or people with tiny feet. Anyway, I’ll give myself some time to try it with various outfits before deciding to wear them out or send them back.

In related news, I bought a new (cheap) watch. My old one by Cluse, I realized, was no longer practical for work.

Timex Women’s Indiglo Easy Reader Quartz Analog

I have to be able to glance at my watch discreetly and be able to read the time quickly. That was harder to do with my old watch, which didn’t have numbers on them. I also needed a seconds hand on it for certain timed testing procedures we do. I didn’t want to pay a lot for something I already had and would only wear at work, so I settled for a cheap watch from Amazon. I actually really like the aesthetics of this watch from Timex. It’s simple and classic. The leather feels a bit stiff, but that’s not a big deal.

As far as life goes, the last couple of weeks have been insanely stressful at work. I have confidence in what I’m doing, but there’s simply not enough resources and people to help me. Often times I don’t even have time to eat lunch. There were moments where I seriously considered quitting. There are many aspects of my job that I love, but there’s also a ton of systemic bull shit that make it incredibly frustrating too. I have my fingers crossed that things will feel better when the new hires start this summer to work on my team.

All the stress has made me feel more irritable. I find myself too mentally stimulated, having too many complex problems thrown at me that I have to find solutions too. My mind is constantly working on something. It got to a point where I felt desperate to simply be able to shut off my mind, like a switch.

Then I had a nightmare one night, woke up from it, and felt reminded of a David Lynch movie I once saw. By association it occurred to me I should look into Transcendental Meditation (David Lynch runs a foundation that brings TM instruction to at risk school children and veterans). I have some experience with meditation and have tried empty-your-mind type approaches with great success when I was a teenager, but in my 20’s I found it much harder to reach that blissful state of mind and gave up on it.

TM is supposed to be much more effortless than other techniques. I started drinking the Kool-Aid and went to an intro class this week at my local TM center. I joke with the BF that I’m going be like everyone else in LA and join a cult. But TM is secular, and more importantly, non-committal and time limited. There’s a hefty price tag to learning but in comparison to other forms of therapy, the price I would say is actually pretty cheap. I’ll probably start the formal training next week, and will hopefully come away with some relief.

I’ll keep ya’ll updated, so stay tuned. Hope you all are hanging in there too!

7 thoughts on “outfit: kool-aid

  1. As a medical student interested in your specialty, I’m curious if you would choose to go into it again if you were in my shoes? I actually decided to pursue medical school *because* I was interested in psych, and in hindsight, I think that was pretty dumb of me. I’m trying to keep an open mind when I start rotations, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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    1. I went to medical school knowing I was going into psychiatry too. And I honestly don’t regret it at all. I still feel it is the most interesting field in medicine. There are many subspecialties and settings you can work in. Mine is particularly chaotic right now but there are many other options that are much easier, eg. private practice. There is a shortage of us unfortunately, but that means you will have many career options. Go to a residency that does not treat you like a slave and gives you a reasonable patient load (<100, ideally <75) in your third year, so you have breathing room to hone your skills. My program was amazing and we got to do weekly psychotherapy with many of our patients because the case load was <50. Anyway, good luck and don't let this deter you if you are truly interested in the work.

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      1. Thank you for the insight! I will keep patient load in mind, that’s something that I hadn’t thought of before.

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