This is what I wore today.
This week has felt a bit gloomy. Maybe it’s the clouds. Maybe it’s this melancholy song by Lost Under Heaven (LUH) that I can’t seem to stop listening to.
Then today it rained as I walked to the subway and I felt surprisingly elated by this. My coat was speckled with rain drops and this got me wondering about tears. Is there such a thing as crying it out? Does that actually help people? In my own experience, I think yes it does. There’s a release, a process that gets unstuck when tears come out. It’s something that can feel good if ya just let go and let it happen. Back when I was in therapy during residency, crying became a routine part of my week. And now it happens less often. Maybe once or twice a month. I always feel transformed in some way after I cry.
What about you? How often do you cry? And how does it feel afterwards?
[outfit: *lauren manoogian ribbed tee, Eileen Fisher jumper dress, American apparel leggings and socks, HOPP oxfords]
Dr. it girl 
I’m so glad you asked. Tears are definitely a relief for me. Sometimes I WANT to cry because it feels better than bottling it up. It’s like when you’ve maybe had too much to drink, if you can make yourself vomit the relief is immediate. Haha sorry for the gross analogy.
I have been getting treatment for anxiety and depression on and off for the better part of seven years. I don’t cry as often now as I used to back when my mom died or when I was off my meds in a terrible relationship, but it still happens, and when I do, there’s a valid feeling underneath it that deserves release.
It’s a holdover from teen angst maybe, when listening to sad songs made you sad but also made you feel better. Wallowing in sadness is sometimes what I need in order to get past the sadness. Having just watched Inside Out recently too, I feel like its message was really important and spot on — that sadness is a necessary emotion, that its OK to be sad, that we NEED to be sad sometimes.
LikeLike
That sounds right. All those emotions need time spent on them, honoring, validation, whatever you may call it. Mourning certainly requires tears. I looked up Inside Out and surprised I hadn’t heard of it yet. What a great movie for kids/even adults to learn what emotions are. So many adults nowadays are completely unaware of these parts of them. I appreciate you sharing your experience too. Sometimes I meet people who seem to think crying makes things worse, so there’s a range of opinions on this issue. I see it as temporary pain for long term gain. Like soreness after a hard workout. I also like ur vomit analogy lol.
LikeLike
I definitely think crying can help. I wish this society didnt see it as a sign of weakness.
For me I find that crying can be physically uncomfortable though since my face gets very red and hot, my eyelids and face swell, and my sinuses get inflamed.
I’m definitely not a pretty crier! 🙂
LikeLike
oh yes, i get those cries too.. crying during a sad movie, my eyes just sweat, but real crying in like a pollen storm just hit my face too.
LikeLike
Crying definitely helps. When I get really upset, the next day I feel and look sort of hungover – huge puffy eyelids, exhausted, emotionally worn out, but it’s a purging process. But the average cry is just instant relief without that after affect.
LikeLike
the ol puffy eyes.. night time crying seems to have more consequences the next day.. i try to save all my cries for mid-day, although that’s not always something we can control.
LikeLike
Crying definitely helps, but I rarely do it. I think it takes me a lot to get to that point. I know it’s not good to let everything fester for so long, but I’ve sort of conditioned myself to keep it together so crying is very rare for me.
LikeLike
i think we all do that type of conditioning to varying degrees.. probably if i didnt work in my field, i’d cry a lot less often so maybe i do cry rarely if i were in a ‘natural’ setting like you.. not that that’s a better/worse.. private crying is very therapeutic too and sometimes all I need and its no burden to anyone else.. for those of us who live with other people, that means crying in the shower.. cleanse your body, cleanse your mind, all in one.
LikeLike
The rain streaked parka is a pretty print in itself! I would buy a jacket like that–reminds me of the woods and vertical bamboo, even some camo without the masculinity. I agree that crying truly helps! I know someone who calls it a “brain bath” and it’s so right. It’s just like with other things… when we suppress and avoid tears, they ‘come out’ sideways in some inappropriate context. But I get post-cry headaches despite frequent cry practice! You’d think the muscles were used to that kind of exercise.
LikeLike
yes brain bath is a nice way to put it.. sorry to hear you get headaches with crying.. if you get headaches frequently, i’d recommend some daily magnesium glycinate (its over the counter).
LikeLike
Spring weather has been very slow in coming, alas. I get confused about how warmly I need to dress these days.
Good question about the crying! I also find it pretty helpful. I probably used to be more prone to it, though in recent years I do it less. I think the type of stress I see now is a bit more complicated than the things I used to deal with (mostly profession-related, and often about things that kind of feel like no-win, this is just how the world/the legal field is), and it just doesn’t seem to result in tears as much. And the type of emotional release feeling that comes from crying probably wouldn’t help my feelings about those situations as much, I guess, so maybe that’s why.
LikeLike
law seems incredibly difficult.. i have a lot of respect for lawyers.. they work very hard and don’t often get the credit they deserve. its demanding but probably in a not so emotional way because the law is very cut and dry. some of my colleagues are former lawyers turned psychiatrists or lawyers turned bioethicists and they often compare/contrast the two fields..
and yes, spring is so confusing.. these 30-40 degree fluctuations are hard to dress for. but i am glad its warming up finally.
LikeLike